Why?

I'm not the most religious person you will meet. I am spiritual, I do believe in God and I do pray. But I'm not one who goes to church or is involved in the more formal trappings of religion. I think my years in all-girls Catholic school did that to me.

My friend Richard is dying. I can't believe I wrote that sentence. He fell 25 feet onto concrete on November 20 and has been in the CCU at Medical Center of Plano since then. He's a McKinney firefighter and has been featured in the newspaper and on the news. He has so many injuries. The doctors said they would tell us when they were losing the battle and they told us that last night. Richard flatlined after surgery yesterday and barely made it back. His organs are failing and it will be a miracle for him to survive. And I'm praying for that miracle. I am holding on to that shred of a miracle.

I was at the hospital from 4-11 last night. I went to be strong for Misty, his wife. Misty is my friend and my secretary at work. She keeps me in line, organized and on-time. She makes me laugh when I'm ready to kill and encourages me when I'm ready to quit. I can't think of a person better suited for being my secretary aka psychological gatekeeper (as I like to call her) than Misty.

I sat in the chapel last night praying and crying. I came home and cried for hours. I don't understand God's will. Why? (Ed.'s note: My therapist tells me Why? questions are the worst because you rarely get the answers to them that you want or need.) He has two small children, why? He is a good, Christian man, why?

As my Facebook page says, I'm trying to open my heart to God's will. But it is hard. I may never understand the Why. So I will soldier on and be strong for my friends Richard and Misty. I love them. And I'm scared.