Me and My Big Mouth.......

I'm hoping I don't regret that I told my good friend to make sure no one does anything for my 40th birthday. I hate surprises and get really embarrassed. I need a head's up. The absolute worst thing that could happen is me showing up somewhere and everyone is there to surprise me. I wouldn't like it and I'd act like an ass about it. (How do I know? I've done it before!) We are doing a girls trip to NYC, which I cannot wait for.... June 16th can't get here quick enough!

I was a kid who worked hard to find out what I was getting for Christmas. I could act excited and surprised, but I never had to worry that my face would give away my disdain like I did if I didn't know what it was. You can tell what I'm thinking and feeling by taking one look at me - I don't hide my feelings well. So I told this friend to just make the day go away.

But then if no one don't do anything, will I be sad? I'll already be alone - how alone will I really feel if the day goes by with no acknowledgement? Am I setting myself up for disappointment?

Which is more important - get over my control issues and just go with it? Or just accept the day is gonna come and go without a big deal because I asked for it.....?

Hit me with your best shot.......