How Did I Get So Alone?

(Ed.'s note: The purpose of this post is not to ilicit sympathy or to get a bunch of comments stating this isn't true. This is how I feel, so it's valid. And if you don't want to deal with my feelings, then don't read this post.)

I don't have a best friend. It just hit me today. It makes me sad. 'Cause I'm a really good friend.

I had some really great news to share and no one to share it with.

Now I have friends, lots of them. Friends that I go to HH with, to the movies with, even travel with some of them. But I don't tell all of my friends everything, so to share this news would require lots of back story and time. In the past, I had a friend or two who knew everything that is going on in my life and I could just call and fill them in quick.

How did I get to this place? I'm not sure I know. Most of my friends are married and have kids. I understand that there priority is their family. I wouldn't want it any other way. I've seen what happens with kids when they are not the priority. But many of my married friends always seem to find time for dinner or a movie or just some time to catch up. I hate when someone gets married and they end ties with all of their single friends, replacing them with their husband and other married couples - these being the same people who before they were married swore they would never become one of those people....

In the past, many of my friends came from the work place. Now that I'm the boss, it makes it difficult to have friendships with people that work for you. It's hard, so not everyone can do it. But even then, work becomes a big part of the conversation and you can't always discuss those topics when you are the boss. I'm trying to reach out and build relationships with other administrators at work, but again, so many of them are in different places in their lives, it doesn't lend to much more than a casual acquaintance.

Chicago and I talk about this a lot, he's 40+ and single, so he can relate. He's always telling me to be my own best friend. And I agree. And I am. And like I told him this morning when I shared my news, sometimes it just feels nice to have someone (besides you) tell you that you did good, that you are awesome, that you are valued. He tells me that I need to learn to enjoy being alone with myself. I told him I go to musicals, lunch, travel by myself, so that's not a problem. But I also told him that sometimes I just get sick of myself!! With the exception of a fabulous dinner/movie with friends last night, I've been alone with myself all weekend and I'm going crazy!!!

I guess you just have to take a moment and mourn. Feel the feelings and move on. Life changes, people come in and out of our lives for a reason.

So what am I going to do? For one, I'm going to take a shower, and treat myself to a nice lunch to celebrate. I'm gonna look in the mirror and tell myself that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me (just not as a best friend!).



Maybe Sheldon is on to something...........